Tails of a Jerusalem Cat

On the occasion of my fifth birthday (that's 36 in Human terms), I have asked the Big Cat in the house to take dictation, as I share with you my secrets for successful and happy living. Pay attention, if only some of this simple yet sage advice were implemented, I believe there could be peace in the Middle East.
Best, Harry "The Highlander"

1. Proper Hygiene: wash yourself early and often.
2. Eat only when you are hungry. Just because there is a plate of food sitting there, doesn't mean you have to finish it and leave nothing for anyone else.
3. Ants are gross, especially when they invade your food bowl. Watch your food carefully in the summer.
4. One man's garbage is another cat's meal.
5. We all smell like something.
6. Drugs are full of chemicals and can be dangerous. If you get any indication that a doctor's visit is impending, run and hide, whimper and beg if you have to; it is not beneath you if it helps you avoid conventional medicine.
7. Clear and constant communication is the best way to have a close and lasting relationship with those around you.
8. Make friends with someone who has opposable thumbs, they come in very handy when you need to open a can of tuna.
9. If you father a child, you will have to take responsibility for it.
10. Go outside and play in the rain. Never miss an opportunity to appreciate nature.
11. Know how to identify an enemy in your territory, and when to let it go. Once you have identified the enemy, choose a plan of action and commit to it 101%.
12. Biting or scratching ends a game very quickly.
13. Sometimes, not matter how nicely you ask, the answer is still "No."
14. Everything has a purpose and an order; it's OK to mess it up now and again, and see what results.
15. A plastic bag is not a toy, neither are electrical cords and for G-d's sake, don't play in traffic. You could lose a limb, or worse.
16. When you are happy, express it freely and joyfully, from your gut.
17. Love unconditionally.